Savouring Eternity


There are times when every moment of a day feels like eternity. There are days you want to savour every moment. When the moments you want to savour are punctuated by eternity it’s all you can do to catch your breath.
For the past several weeks, my heart has pounded in my chest. My breath comes in ragged gasps. There are moments I worry about the long term effects of chemo. There are moments I worry about my lifestyle and the number of cakes I’ve eaten in my time. Then there are moments when I think it’s likely just my thyroid and the doctors appointment tomorrow will ease my concerns.
While I worry about my heart. I also worry about my lumpy baby. We’ve found two more lumps on Brom. Different than before. Lymph nodes that’ve swollen much larger than lymph nodes should swell. The last time we saw a lump like this Agatha needed surgery. Twice.

Of course the million causes of swollen lymph nodes, including cancer, go through my mind. Though in all likelihood this is a result of gluten contamination that resulted in an exaggerated response to something else.

I know the likelihood of this being minor is greater than the likelihood of something serious. So I wait. I watch. If no change, or things get worse, then I’ll call a doctor. In the meantime these moments take forever.

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