In the span of about year, we went from being a pretty attached and mindful family to a floundering family. It’s isn’t always easy to point out how it happened, but Ryan and I spent a lot of time and energy figuring out what parts of our life and relationships weren’t working. We’ve dissected the previous twelve years to get each of us back to the point when we first began dating. To see who were were as individuals, and who we were as a couple.
In someways I think those old fears and old hurts still prevent us from being fully open with each other. But over time we’ve grown and changed so much they no longer direct the path we walk. They’re where we came from, in the way a mountain road must be travelled to get to the other side. A road that is part of the mountains when you’re on the road, but when you step off the road, onto the mountain, you don’t even notice the road for all the magnificence around you.
For so long we were driving, walking, running, crawling on that road, following the twists and turns, letting the road dictate where we drove, which way we walked. But then the day came when we saw beyond the road, the mountains rising and falling with so many different paths to take, with so many different roads to make.
When we first turned off the road, we weren’t sure we would make it. The bumps were spectacular! Everything pitched first one way, then another. We had no idea what would happen next. But slowly things changed. Our journey hasn’t really gotten smoother, instead we’ve seen what’s coming and we’ve chosen to turn this way or that, to go over a crest, or into a valley.
While we’ve been on this journey, our children tumbled all over the place, and it’s showed! But the most amazing things are happening!
Our children are smiling and laughing more, they’re supporting one another. When they disagree, they do so respectfully (most of the time). Instead of demanding more and more attention, their love bucket never full, they come over for a hug, and then move on smiling, happy, content, loved. They’re offering to help more, and they say please and thank you.
A month ago every day wore me down. Ryan and I yelled about pretty much everything, our children cringed if they made a mistake, fearful we might yell. I didn’t want to live like that, and I didn’t want to raise my children like that.
So we changed.
Today was an amazing day where my children smiled and laughed, where I loved and was loved. Today we stood on the mountain, felt it firm and strong beneath our feet, happy to be where we are and excited about what’s to come!
There’s so much to come!!